You can't be in my club!

My older son is in 3rd grade. Ever since he was in second grade, he has had to deal with kids making clubs and not letting certain students in. At first, he was not excluded, but I made it clear that under no circumstances was he to participate in a club that did not allow everyone. I explained to him how hurtful it was to the children who were excluded. He followed my instructions to the best of my knowledge, and never participated in excluding anyone. This year, he is being excluded. I can see him struggle with it. I don't see him deciding that the problem is the club. Instead, he trys to be included.

What can I say. I think I was in Jr. high or high school before I figured out that I didn't need the club. I finally figured out that I didn't need anyone to make me feel badly about myself and that even if I were accepted into whatever clique was the latest trend, that I wouldn't feel good about excluding anyone anyway. So why bother.

Some kids take longer to figure it out. In Colleges each year, thousands of freshmen, far from home for the first time and feeling very insecure about their ability to fit in, will rush sororities and fraternities putting themselves through tests to be accepted by the Greek clubs. The Greeks set their standards and choose applicants without fear of hurting feelings. The unworthy are left out of yet another club and maybe they start to see the absurdity of it all, but chances are good that those who were chosen still don't get it.

You see that's the thing about being in an exclusive club is that we don't see the side of one who is kept out of the club. At any age, exclusive clubs are mean. I can understand the dilemma of my son's 3rd grade counterparts. After all, they are young and performing new and exciting experiments. But at what age are we all supposed to get it. At what point does the learning curve dictate that remedial social skills services will be provided for the socially clueless who still think the world is a catty sorority where only we should have access to that experience of life or that social class.

So what brings this on? Mayakda shared this article with me.

You see, conservatives have started an exclusive club in this country. It all started with "only we have the key to heaven." And most of us responded with, "OK, if you feel that way. Just leave me alone because I think differently." But this doesn't seem to have gone far enough for them. Now they want to think they have exclusive rights over parenthood too. And marriage and family and community and just about anything.

Don't get me wrong, there are lots of things we need to look at when we explore the ethics of reproductive technologies. But whether the mother and father are married? Come On! If you haven't figured it out yet, this bill is for one purpose only. That is to control women. Notice the lack of reference to the father. No penalty for the sperm donor. No reference to men being responsible for babies out of wedlock. It's as if they don't know how babies are made.

And let's not forget the impact on lesbians. Many turn to IVF and donor sperm to start families. This bill is especially geared toward stopping that. Conservative women don't want lesbians in their exclusive club. Oh no. That would not be OK. And conservative men don't like lesbian women because they point out the fact that women don't need men. If women don't need men, then men lose power. And that cannot be.

So we hear about protecting the American family and we hear statistics about how children need a father and a mother (I'd like to know how many who are quoting that statistic are actually doing something about the thousands of children without functional parents of any kind).

OK folks, we're not in 3rd grade any more. It's time to get with the program. Unless you have a bill that will actually do some good in this country, keep it to yourself. We don't have the time or energy for the bigotry.